50. Experience: "Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting."
49. Objective: "So one of the main things for me is, as the movie 'Jerry McGuire' puts it, 'Show me the money!'"
48. Skills: "I can type without looking at thekeyboard."
47. Qualifications: "Twin sister has accounting degree."
46. Salary desired: "Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job."
45. Objective: "What I'm looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money."
Source: Corbis
44. Experience: "I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around."
43. Objective: "I am anxious to use my exiting skills."
42. Experience: "My father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience."
41. "Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations."
40. Hobbies: "Mushroom hunting."
39. Objective: "To hopefully associate with a millionaire one day."
38. "Revolved customer problems and inquiries."
37. "Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts."
36. Applicant submitted nine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page résumé.
35. A resume was printed on the back of the person's current employer's letterhead.
34. A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
33. Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.
32. One applicant tried to make an impression by using four different fonts, three ink colors and a variety of highlighting options on her résumé
31. Cleaning skills: "bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c"
30. "I'm intrested to here more about that. I'm working today in a furniture factory as a drawer"
29. "I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…"
28. Hobbies: "Drugs and girls"
27. "Work experience: "Responsibilities included checking customers out."
26. "Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail"
25. "Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.
24. "Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement."
23. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
22. Interests: "Gossiping."
21. Experience: "Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting."
20. Reason for leaving: "I thought the world was coming to an end."
19. Qualifications: "I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you."
18. Skills: "Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years."
17. Salary requirements: "The higher the better."
16. Objective: "To become Overlord of the Galaxy!"
15. Resume: "Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve."
14. Languages: "Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep."
13. "Sex: occassionally".
12. Experience: "Have not yet been abducted by aliens."
11. Candidate wrote résumé as a play – Act 1, Act 2, etc.
10. Other Interests: "Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)".
9. Under "job related skills" – for a web designer – "can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet".
8. One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn't like dealing with blood or needles.
7. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
6. References: "Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don't know their phone numbers."
5. "2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people"
4. Objective: "I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness."
3. Objective: "Student today. Vice president tomarrow."
2. Objective: "My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can't do that, I'll settle on being an accountant."
1. "I am great with the pubic.
Source: http://blog.jobberman.com/50-funny-but-true-resume-mistakes-you-want-to-avoid/
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